Let's Unthink And Rethink This

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While my mission is straightforward - to keep you clear and focused in collaboration and conflict, and to help your colleagues do the same - there's something I want you to know about how we'll work together.

We need to get out of the technique trap. That's the belief that knowing the right thing to say at the right moment is enough. That techniques are your secret to success in collaboration or conflict.

The problem is, collaboration and conflict won’t let you do it. And you can prove that to yourself.

Imagine using a technique and it works. You’re still not in the clear. Something has to happen next - and you’re probably the one to lead it. What should that be? Do you know? If there’s more than one option, which one is right? 

Or imagine using a technique that doesn’t work. Would you know why? Could you diagnose it in real time, under pressure, and choose your next move?

I’m not criticizing techniques. We need them. But we don’t want to be trapped by them - and avoiding that trap isn’t something they teach us.

The trap is seeing collaboration and conflict as problems to solve - like solving for X in algebra. That’s what we want from techniques: Fix something, solve something, move on.

Experts use the same techniques, but differently. They generate questions, not just answers. They shape what happens next, not just fix what happened. Their experience - not the technique - tells them what to do, when, how, and why. The way they use techniques - not the way they follow steps - builds judgment.

To see what I mean, think about something you’re expert in, and what it’s like to teach it. You show someone the steps of a workflow, a music scale, a sewing stitch. With repetition, they’ll get faster, smoother, more confident.

But you know something they can't know at the start. You understand the technique's purpose. When to use it. When not to. How it combines with other techniques. What it means in different situations.

We learn steps, but we build judgment through use. Expertise doesn’t come from repetition. It comes from thoughtful, intentional, disciplined, self-aware use in context.

But that’s not what we have in mind when we go looking for a technique.

So does this mean you need to become a collaboration and conflict expert to effectively use techniques? No. Not necessary. 

Your goal is to become an expert in you. To understand how your knowledge, skill, experience, strengths, and limits show up in situations - and to know it in real time, under pressure. To see what’s happening with you, what to do with it, and how to read what’s happening with others.

What you and I do won’t look like most advice on collaboration and conflict. I won’t script you. I won’t give you answers to the test.

I'll show you the what, why, and how you're looking for - but situate it in you. We'll anchor technique in you as a particular practitioner, not a generic or abstract one. This is how you'll get you better at being you in situations, so you can handle whatever they are.

And you don't have to do it alone.